Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
