Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
