nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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