do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
