How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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