just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I want is dick and wine.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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