I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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