I accidentally had phone sex last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
