Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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