How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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