went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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