You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
