So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
