can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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