She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
