guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
