is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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