My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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