I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
