found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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