she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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