somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
