He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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