He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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