OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
