No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
