They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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