careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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