one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
