I think I died a long time ago.
Quick, to the slutcave!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
