Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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