the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
