it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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