i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
