sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize