You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
