maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
