To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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