i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
