you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
