She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
His nipple licking is glorious
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