1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
