i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize