I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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