did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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