He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
