I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
