Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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