i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
