two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
