Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
