he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
