so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
