let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
