i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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