you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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