She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
