Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
