I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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