I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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