i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
