So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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