Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
