is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize