Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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