Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
