I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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