i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
