I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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