Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
