somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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