very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Found the puke drawer
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
