my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
