i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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