I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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