I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
