I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
