You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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