Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
