Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
