I need help removing her.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
