how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
