Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
