no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
