We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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