The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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