i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
