Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
