you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
