im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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