Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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