so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
