If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
