She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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