she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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