i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
