Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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