My room smells like vodka and shame
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
