just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sext me about skeletons
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
