i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
be right there i have to get my cape
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
