K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need to calm my uterus...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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