Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
