I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
