i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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