actually, I'm a sock model
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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