oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize